Friday, December 21

Zuma '' I am very sexually active thanks for all your concern''





New details of the internal ANC power struggle emerged yesterday with leaked recordings of apparent sex line conversations of our future president. '' Please call me JZ, no formalities''
''Can I call you back after the budget debate''
''I never leave a woman unsatisfied, here are my credit card details''
These are just some of the steamy revelations that came to light last night after anonymous mp3 were emailed to several news agencies.
Editor of The Mail and Guardian, Robert Mbwendi, has confirmed receipt of over two hours of Zuma recordings. ''We are currently establishing the authenticity of these tapes and should they prove to be the
raunchy recordings of ANC president Jacob Zuma, we will be releasing them in a special Friday edition of our paper titled '' JZ gets straight down to some Bizzlle''
At Zuma camp it is all damage control at the moment. ''This is clearly an attack by the media, there is no conclusive evidence of foul play'' said ANC Media Headquaters
ANCYL president Fikile Mbalula had this to say '' Zuma is a man with a lot of gusto, it is not uncommon for a Zulu man to use the services of a call girl, the availability of young family friends is not always guaranteed, occasionally one must be prepared to crack one off telephonically''
The call girl, who can not be named for legal reasons has been contacted separately and asked for her comments. 'I am proud to serve my future president' said Maid Mandy (not real name)
'Truth be told I am a little surprised by the media attention,I service a variety high class diplomatic types... your be surprised what they are into, by my standards the man I have been told was JZ is mild in phone fantasy sexual desires, as far as phone sex fantasy desires go' Asked to elaborate she added '' Lets just say it in not uncommon to be asked to bark like a dog, one regular client gets off on me farting on the receiver.... ''

Mbeki, who most thought had been plotting this new aggressive exit strategy for Zuma has, just last week, himself been recorded calling up a National Police commissioner Jacki Selebi, calming fear of his possible arrest and assuring him that his gravy train ride has not ended. At one point Mbeki sais '' The Crime statistics are the latest attempt to undermine the work the ANC have done in the past 14 years, just like there is no link between HIV and AIDS there is no know link between Violent Crime and Guns. Crime is a rich mans problem....'' Selebi can be heard chuckling in the background.

National Prosecuting Authority (NPA) spokesman Tembi Tshete has confirmed a full investigation into the recordings. '' Phone tapping of cabinet ministers is not only illegal, it is also severely damaging. We have requested brand new N95 for all ANC MP's, and hope that Vodacom will comply''

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